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How to respond to racist family members ( a Post Adopt
China message)
Message: 5 Date: Mon, 24 Apr 2000 15:55:57 EDT
Subject: HELP-how to respond to racist family members
L. S.wrote: > Since we have become a family of four (a five year
old and sixteen month old), our family has experienced an increase in
awkward/racist comments from a few relatives during family gatherings.
I would like to think that the comments are being made out of complete
ignorance and are not being said to be malicious, but sometimes that's
hard to believe!<
L: My heart went out to you when reading your post. I know that its
hard to be in that position but in MHO you should have blasted your
relatives. You should have told them that what they were saying was
inappropriate and racist (or at the very least ignorant) and that you
and your family would not tolerate it. It doesn't matter if it is family
or not, what matters is how your daughter percieves it. I would have
told them in no uncertain terms, in front of my daughter, that if they
persisted in acting and speaking like that, regardless of whether or
not your daughter (s) was in the room that they could expect that you
would never attend family functions again. Your kids need to know not
only that that kind of talk is unacceptable in general, but that it
is unnacceptable to you! It is not a time to try to "keep the peace".
You have to let your family and your daughter know exactly how you feel.
Anything else would be a disservice to your daughters. I'm not saying
that you had to get into a full blown battle right there at the dinner
table, but you certainly should have stopped the conversation right
in its tracks and set them straight on a couple of facts. Then, later,
take one or more aside and set them straight. Walking out of the room
only means that they won. Letting your daughter walk out of the room
without forcefully and directly confronting them, means that you and
your daughter lost. Hang in there and be strong. If you family cares
they will conform. If they don't - who needs them anyway? N. - who loves
her family very much, but sometimes doesn't like them too much.
Another
approach to dealing with racist family members and a guide to selecting
schools sympathetic to multi-racial families
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U.S.
Article on Race & Racism
"WASHINGTON, May 15 /PRNewswire/ -- The National Conference for
Community and Justice (NCCJ) today announced the results of "Taking
America's Pulse II," a nationwide survey funded by Bank of America
of attitudes about different racial, ethnic, religious and social groups
and intergroup relations. The survey updates and expands on NCCJ's groundbreaking
1993 survey "Taking America's Pulse" and reveals that many
Americans are daily experiencing acts of discrimination at alarming
rates, when they shop, at work and at restaurants and places of entertainment.
...
-- In just one month, 42% of Blacks experienced at least one episode
of discrimination and 12% suffered such an experience two or more times.
-- Even though only 8% of Asians believe their race experiences a great
deal of discrimination, 31% report suffering unfair treatment and discrimination
individually."
For the complete findings of this study, consult:
http://www.nccj.org
or
http://www.bankofamerica.com
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